Hello my friends… My friendly friends… Long time, no communicadio(o).

I regret to inform you all that something terrible has happened to me in the last week… Something so terrible I must share it with you all… All of you I know and even those I don’t even know…

To begin the healing………………………………. Ok here goes….

MY FUCKING TOILET FRESHENER BASTARD ARSEFACE FELL DOWN THE TOILET ON FRIDAY AND WE DIDN’T NOTICE AND SO I HAVE BEEN UP TO MY ELBOWS IN THE BAD STUFF FOR THE LAST 4 DAYS TRYING TO GET THE BUGGER OUT!!!!

ZOMG!! I’M SORRY BUT VIETNAM WAS A BLOODY CAKEWALK COMPARED TO THIS!

The plumber came and finally sorted out the sordid mess today… I bet he was thinking quite heavily of his children and how he was putting them through school as he waded through the effluvium (blergh…) with his giant toilet snake (don’t ask) and man pump (don’t ask) and bottle of explosive Mo-Flo (ditto) and his young apprentice (see above).

Poor apprentice… “See son, this is what we in the plumbing business like to call a ‘toilet full of turds’. Stick your hand in there, go on…”. Gah. Anyway I watched the entire process avidly to learn how the pros did it. Apparently it helps if you are a massive italian guy and have a 5 meter toilet snake and aren’t afraid to use it. Suddenly my sink auger looked pitiful.

After seeing him ram the metallic snake in there quite a few times until he managed to actually break the bastard freshener into pieces I realised that I had had no chance of solving the problem myself. One awesome thing out of all of this is that we weren’t charged anything out of this because the owners of the flat pay for some reason…. w00t!

I’ll post the picture later of me dressed up as a ninja with a mask, the sink auger and a bottle of pine-o-clean… All of a sudden I can’t bear to think about it anymore.