Hey guys, long, long, long time no post!

Just a quick one to let you all know that Rox and I will be trekking around in Nepal until the 7th of Jan ‘08 so if you want to break in and steal our VCR, now is a great time to do it! Hahahaha I’d like to see you try suckas!!!!

We are really excited and can’t wait to fly out (tomorrow night). Expect to see lots of good photos on Facebook et al when we get back!

See ya l8r,

Ash

…and we’re back… I am inspired to write a proper post about China but not inspired enough to edit it properly to any extent. Enjoy

Man, it was a nice couple of weeks in ‘What is my job description again?’ land but now we have officially arrived back from boiling hot and humid China to cold, yet sunny, Melbourne. Talk about your culture/enviro shock!

Poor Rox has had to go to work today while I was lucky enough to take another day off to resynchronise my brain. I spent all yesterday evening catching up with my bro and work and this morning browsing the intertubes for iPhone news. Haha kidding, I don’t give a shit about the iPhone launch (although it does look pretty leetballs in the vids I have seen.

Walking around Melbourne was weird. I feel like I have been away for ages and everyone is bizarre. I thought I heard someone hawking up a spit as I walked past an open doorway but it was a coffee machine making a cappuccino. Strange how quickly you get used to things.

Getting back into stuff is going to be tough. I am straight back into piano lessons and am starting the Landmark SELP course this weekend which means all Saturday is gone. I know I will enjoy it when I get into it but all I really want to do is watch Transformers and get drunk… (Yeah it’s a tough life I know, I know - Ok I’ll stop whinging now)

Enough about that. Let me tell you about China.

First off it was hot - All of my video segments seem to start with “Hello. Shit, it’s hot” which you don’t notice when you are filming. I am going to try to cut together an awesome vid set to music but that won’t happen until next week at the latest. I have to rip it all to disk first (Just bought a new 320GB seagate HD for $110 though so space isn’t a prob anymore - w00t!)

Secondly China was amazing. We did some really cool things that, due to my reticence to read an itinerary, I hadn’t even thought about doing until I was actually doing them. Some of them were:

– Had a kung fu lesson at THE Shaolin Temple
- Trekked for 10Ks along THE Great Wall
- Went to Tibet and stayed overnight in a village with some Tibetan sheep herders
- Played basketball with some superfit Tibetan crazy dudes at 3200m up (Believe me, it’s hard to breathe up there!)
- Went shopping in every village/town/city in China
- Biked around Beijing’s Houtongs (alley ways)
- Had some awesome Peking duck
- Lots of other shit that I will remember later

One of the highlights of the trip for me was doing kungfu at the Shaolin temple. We had a private lesson but it was amazing to see hundreds of other kids all learning at the temple. The kids start at the age of 4 or 5 but even those guys already knew how to flip and do flying kicks. They train 3 times a day and even late into the night. And this can go on for years until they are my age. It’s crazy!

Also trekking the Great Wall was really cool. At a couple of points I thought I was going to die but then it was pointed out to me that we only had to trek past 30 watch towers - not the 67 someone had originally told me! Still it was a massive effort and we all felt like we had achieved something afterwards. The wall itself is in amazing condition considering its construction was started over 2000 years ago and just goes to show that the emperors in those days were madder than a box of snakes (who had missed out on seeing the Transformers movie).

Going to Tibet was also a highlight for me. We stayed near one of the major monastaries in Xia’He and there were maroon robed monks everywhere you looked. Life is so laid back there as everyone seems to either be a farmer, a shop owner or a monk. In the mornings the people of the village walk clockwise around the monastary turning the prayer wheels for good luck. And the great thing about Buddhism is that they are not only praying for good luck for themselves and their families, they are also praying for luck and prosperity for the entire planet. I would love to see that in more religions instead of all the damnation that seems to be everywhere!

(Also if you are reading this mum, I bought you a prayer wheel - You are gonna love it! )

Throughout the trip it was clearly evident that China is going through massive changes. Everywhere you look there are new buildings going up and people cleaning stuff in preparation for the Olympics next year. I am not sure how I feel about the Olympics being in China actually, given their track record for human rights violations and the obvious poverty that exists in a lot of places but it will be interesting to see how it goes now that they have it.

Overall China seemed to me to be caught between the old and the new with over 5000 years of history rubbing against the shiny plastic and metal of the future. Who knows if it can make the transition successfully? Not me, I’m just thankful that I have had a break from work!!! PHEW!!

Hey guys!! I know I haven’t updated for a while but I have been busy drinking beer and taking pictures and generally having fun. China is amazing and totally different from what I was expecting. I’ll tell you about it more later because the cigarettes in this internet cafe are killing me but everyday is a suprise. And I am not just talking about the hilarious chinglish signage that is everywhere (”Welcome friends! We haue english menc!” was one of them :))

For the last couple of days we have been in Xi’an just chilling and enjoying the scenery. The city used to be the chinese capital for 11 or so dynasties until it finally got moved to bejing. Or was that Nanjing? I forget. The entire city is surrounded by a giant wall which is pretty cool. We were going to go for a ride around it but then i got drunk the night before and that suddenly wasnt such a hot idea. Maybe next time.

Shanghai (Shanger’s) was awesome - you can see the french and british influences everywhere and there are lots of good places to eat (including macdonalds!). We spent a couple of days there just shopping and maxing and relaxing.

After Shanger’s came an overnight train to louhyang (i think that spelling is right) and then a bus to the Shaolin temple. Did I mention that I had a kung-fu lesson at THE Shaolin temple? Let me say that again just to be clear…

I USED TO DO KUNG-FU AND THE OTHER DAY I HAD A KUNG FU LESSON AT THE SHAOLIN TEMPLE IN CHINA!! THAT IS FUCKING AWESOME!

Did I mention it was awesome? Well it was.

After Shaolin it was off via train to Xi’an (translation: Western Peace) and here I am.

So far I have learnt heaps of chinese. Like counting: 1-10, directions: North, South, East, West and some other stuff which i am going to have heaps of fun saying to the poonster and grace when I get back.

Anyway, gotta go. I’ll maybe post another one when we get to beijing. We’re off to Tibet tonight!

[Update]

Well I actually tried to post this while I was in Xi’an but the intertubes were slow and it didn’t work. Here is is anyway.

The bottom one is the view from my parents’ restaraunt!

Well I am on the net at Sebs new place (Net access courtesy of some sucker who hasn’t secured his wifi connection yet!), just about to have dinner before going to the Brass Monkey for my leaving drinks. Holy shit man!! The adventure is nearly over (Or just begun depending on how you look at it).

I just want to say hi and bye to all of the guys I met up with while I was here and sorry to those that I didnt get a chance to meet up with. I’ll see you all sometime next year!! Come to melbourne! I’ll take you to an actual “good” pub!

Yahoo!

I’m in Perth!!

I am now in Bali!

Again.

Waiting…

Doh.

Said goodbye to mum in Lombok earlier today. That was sad but dont worry Mum, i’ll be back there before you know it!

I’m staying at Made’s place again (this is mainly for Rox) just to save money. 5 pounds a night is a bargain man. It even includes a nice breakfast. It’s not as bad with just me because I won’t get woken up by a certain someone every two hours as they are attacked by angry mosques… hehe I mean mosquitos.

Yeah so i’m back in Bali, tack capital of Indonesia until 10pm tomorrow… I’m thinking of going to Waterbomb park on my own for the day. Hehe that would be funny. Or maybe I could go bungy jumping. Hmm… its run by a kiwi guy but I cant get over the feeling that maybe it would become affected by the “indo touch” if i tried it. I would probably end up buried head first in 2 metres of sand! Hmm maybe i’ll just walk up and down the main drag buying surf gear while being accosted by “beauty therapists” and “masseuses” who all call me darling or sweetie. Or maybe I’ll just sit in my room all day reading crappy fantasy books. Yeah thats what I might do. Choices, choices… so many choices.

I cant believe I will soon be back in Perth!! Thank fark I am going to Melb after it though, I just couldnt handle “the great adventure” being over so soon. Its gonna be great to see my little (not physically anymore… little bastard) bro again We will have to have a kungfu showdown to see whos skillz have atrophied the most over the years… um i’m guessing mine. i couldnt kick my way out of a pair of thongs (sandals not underwear you english pervert bastards) at the moment.

Leigh is in perth as well and has already emailed my about beers at his place so thats good. And Seb has organised som shizzo as well. Its gonna be just like the old days cept im bald and fatter and HEAPS FUNNIER HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ouch i think i sprained my spleen.

Yeah so bring on 2005!! Its gonna be a good year i think, with lots of programs being written, songs being made and robots being built (Oh yeah and in between all that I need to get a job and a career). It’s time i put my money where my mouth is and put my back into it, pulled my finger out my ass and put a cork in it. You know what i mean ma nizzos. Its time to bust the caps of progress into the meaty carcass of lethargy. Yes, its time to get shizzo on the nizzo.

Don’t know what the fcuk i am on about? As my main man Fresh would say…

“W..a..t..c..h.. ..t..h..i..s.. ..s..p..a..c..e…..”

1) Terrorists Bombs
2) Mad Egyptian Taxi Drivers
3) Hot Air Ballons + Powerlines
4) Insane Camels
5) Rabid Donkeys
6) Poisonous Scorpions
7) Falling Geckos (And Their Poo)
Food Poisoning (From Like, Everything)
9) Filthy Water
10) Drunken Airplane Pilots
11) Lightning Bolts
12) 3 years in London (Includes bad drugs, women and THAT GODDAMN WEATHER!)

This a short list of the things I have had to survive recently. Now it seems I have to add a lucky thirteenth entry to it.

13) FUCKING HUGE TSUNAMIS CAUSED BY HUGE UNDERWATER EARTHQUAKES!!

Jesus Christ, 26, 000 dead so far. Half the countries affected dont have a freaking clue how many people actually live there so how the hell are we ever gonna know exactly how many people have perished in this bollocks.

Man, I was swimming down the beach with mum and gaz when the earthquake actually struck… I actually noticed the tide moving around a miniscule fraction but the tides here are big anyway so it could have been that. A couple of hundred miles away around the other side of indo whole fucking villages were being decimated. How totally fucked up is that??

Shit. In case you hadn’t noticed I am swearing a lot in this post. Thats because it seems like just as you start to get used to the fact that terrorists are gonna blow the shit out of you as you sleep in your bed or crash shit into you when you are at work, now when you are swimming on holiday you are gonna have to entertain the notion that all of the water in the beautiful beach you are at could suddenly be sucked out and dumped on your head from 4 storeys up. bollocks it is.

DIAGNOSIS: FUCKED UP MAN

P.S.

I’m fine by the way and so is everyone else here in Lombok. Merry fucking christmas.

Hello?

Can you hear me?

BZZZzZT0000090 –

Hello?

I’m not sure if y0u are receiving this but 1′ll send anyway in the h0pe you a00000000
0079-969A-E0FF
0079-969A-E100
0079-969A-E101
0079-969A-E102

IO ERR: Restarting… –

[ UPLINK RE-ESTABLISHED: BANANA0 PROTOCOL ACTIVE]
.
.
.

Thats better… I’m actually writing this using a laptop and network card made out of half an empty coconut and a piece of bamboo. I am having some protocol issues still as I try to mesh my homebrew BANANA0 network compatible card with the village’s much faster PAPAYA2 wireless network. Oh the tribulations, trials and er, tripe of computing. it seems that even halfway up a mountain in the middle of nowhere you can still find problems!

ANYWAY!! apologies for the enormous delay between updates!! No suprise there though! We are not dead at all, we have just been up the side of a mountain in Lombok that unfortunately doesn’t seem to be getting the best wireless network coverage at the moment… maybe things will change when the electricity gets put in

It has been very ‘authentic’ this trip. We have not had tv, running water or mains electricity for the last two weeks!! It has been really good though, its been really good to see mum and gaz again and just chill a little bit. And apart from the scorpions its really beautiful and other nice words that i cant think of at the moment.

The restaurant is looking ‘orsem and it is going to be groovetastic when it opens! Ive got heaps of photos for yaz which i will upload as soon as i get to perth.

Um yeah, heaps of shit has happened which is really cool but as i have the organizational capabilities of a squid. on a rock. in the sun, I have just wasted the last hour+ cleaning out my gmail inbox when i should have been writing an in depth update so oh well. The main thing is that we are totally safe and roxy has now started the final part of her journey home, leaving Lombok earlier today.

Shit, i havent been apart from her since we met and now they are playing some cheesy 80s love rock song on the radio in the internet cafe…

You know its true..
Everything I do…
I do it for you…

..
..

Sorry, just had a little moment there… oh the 80’s how i hate and love you simultaneously like a skitzophrenic(whatever) AI with multiple primary processing cores.. or something.

Yeah so back to my main stream of consciousness…. Indo has been REAL. Perth is approaching fast. Who knows what the future holds? Me. And Rox as well, cos she booked it. But who knows what may happen still on the way to Sunny Melbourne (aka Promised Land). we can only wait and see I guess…..!

Hope you guys have a really great christmas!! I have a feeling mine is going to involve bananas and Bintang beer at some point

Some of you I will see when I arrive in Perth, others when I get to Melb. Still others when I freak out and fly back to the UK (I have the passport maaaan!). And others I will never meet because you are dirty perverts that only stumbled upon this site after doing a search on MSN search for ‘ROBOT’ + ‘BIG JUBBLIES’. Sickos.

Anyway, love you all that are female and nice and then even only in a purely platonic way unless you are my girlfriend which in that case……….. shutup ash.

BYE

Says everyone… like i mean everyone, here.

Unfortunately I cant speak the language so I dont get the egyptian prices that the locals get. But that doesnt matter because no matter how you look at it we western sons of a three humped camel have fuckloads of money here!!

I mean, 1 british pound sterling is worth about 11 egyptian pounds but everything still costs the same as elsewhere so its like i have 11 x as much money!! Yahoo!!

For example Rox and I went out for dinner last night to an excellent seafood place and had dinner for two with after dinner tea etc and the total was 77 pounds… Egyptian. So thats like 7.70 GBPS!! WHAT THE FUCK!!

Ok better go my time is running out. Cant afford the extra 50p it will cost me to stay on here for an hour..

Off to the pyramids tomorrow, cant wait!

See ya soon

Ash

Location: Cairo

turkey ıs great!!

egypt ıs tomorrow!

got no tıme to talk though!!

see ya soon!!

Hello my friend, want to buy a rug?

Hehe just kidding, rox and I have made it to Turkey!!

Nearly didn’t though owing to us nearly forgetting all our money and then having to wait around all morning (like 3am morning) for a farking night bus. But we are here now and it is totally cool!

All the Turkish people are really groovy, we have already been invited to an Ramadan after party (some of you will get this) and our guide is really funny as well. His name is Hussain but he asked us if we could refrain from calling him Saddam if we could help it

Yeah so lots of good shit going on, there are quite a few aussies in the group so we are gonna have a chance to slowly become more shrimp/barbieized as time goes on…

Anyway, i had better go cos I am running out of time! I’ll keep yo posted with the adventures.

l8r!

ashmofo

Hi guys,

Sorry the sites a bit fucked at the moment but this is how it will have to be until I get back home and sorted.

The comments don’t even work anymore,…

Oh well…. send me an email instead!!!

ashmodeus@gmail.com